Do you really love the ‘sinner’?

Dear Catholic Right:

When it comes to gay marriage, I’m not impressed that you claim to love the “sinner” while hating his “sin.”  Nor am I impressed that your Catechism says that every person (even the gay ones!) is dignified and worthy of respect.

Here’s why:

If you hate my marriage, you don’t love me.

Because my marriage is at the core of my identity.  In a very real sense, my marriage is who I am. 

So I get why, if you tell a gay person that her marriage is a sham, that it’s dragging her to hell, that marriages like hers are destroying society, she wouldn’t believe you when you say you respect her.

And, frankly, I’m with her.  Marriage, love and sexuality are too important to write off as some incidental part of a person’s being.

 Of course there are caveats to this.  If my marriage is abusive, or if I wake up in Vegas hitched to some floozy who only wants me for grad student stipend, then your love for me might require you to hate my marriage.  (Because that floozy is clearly cuh-ray-zee)

But most marriages—and most gay marriages*—aren’t like that.  Most marriages—and most gay marriages**—are good, and most people are justifiably proud of their marriages.

Yeah, yeah, I know all of your objections.   

How about this: read this wonderful, patient elaboration of this theme by Dianna E. Anderson, “What Are We Really Asking?”

* I know you don’t believe this, but you’re wrong.

** See above.

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